Happy Fathers Day

Charlie I bet it’s the best one in the past couple of years. The past few years your wife spent it with me. 

When I say the best man one, I mean I won. I hurt because I lost so much to Aine Gorman Mclarnon. I’m still working through all of the shit and lies Aine put me through. Someday you’ll find this and see why you went through so much too. 

My guess is you’re not as horrible of a man as she made you out to be.

I’m sorry for what I did to you. 

You fucked me up

Today I sit here thinking about the man I’ve become. But one thing keeps sneaking back into my head and that’s what you did to me. 

I just turned 18 you were 43. I knew nothing about life, love, sex… nothing.  

I wonder if women are punished for doing this. What even is this? What I know is: you groomed me. You made me feel like I was your one and only. You made me feel important. You made me feel wanted. 

I had a crush on your daughter. YOUR DAUGHTER! And you some how manipulated me into your bed. I confided in you and you used it against me. How many others are there? 

Three times I tried to break away but you pulled me back in. You have a great life with Charlie, Aoibh and Katie because you’re so used to doing this to people. I’m still confused. I’m still a boy that was emotionally and sexually abused by his friends mother. 

I’m afraid of women. I’m afraid of life. I cry because I’m empty of joy and excitement and filled with paranoia and skepticism. 

I have a great therapist. But it doesn’t give me back what you stole from me. They use words like rapist and predator and manipulator to describe you. I don’t have any words for you… I don’t call you anything but her and you. 

I want your family to know who you are and what you do. I can’t tell them directly… it won’t help me if they know. Will it help me? It’ll hurt them. I don’t want to hurt them. But I’m hurting today for reasons I don’t understand. 

I’m 20. I’m broken. Maybe bent. You fucked me up. 

I was doing ok until you messaged me on twitter… 

Attention

Whoa oh oh hm
You’ve been runnin’ round, runnin’ round, runnin’ round throwin’ that dirt all on my name

‘Cause you knew that I, knew that I, knew that I’d call you up

You’ve been going round, going round, going round every party in LA

‘Cause you knew that I, knew that I, knew that I’d be at one
I know that dress is karma, perfume regret

You got me thinking ’bout when you were mine

And now I’m all up on ya, what you expect

But you’re not coming home with me tonight
You just want attention

You don’t want my heart

Maybe you just hate the thought of me with someone new

Yeah, you just want attention

I knew from the start

You’re just making sure I’m never gettin’ over you
You’ve been runnin’ round, runnin’ round, runnin’ round throwing that dirt all on my name

‘Cause you knew that I, knew that I, knew that I’d call you up

Baby, now that we’re, now that we’re, now that we’re right here standing face to face

You already know, already know, already know that you won

Ohh
I know that dress is karma (dress is karma), perfume regret

You got me thinking ’bout when you were mine

(You got me thinking ’bout when you were mine)

And now I’m all up on ya (all up on ya), what you expect

(Oh baby)

But you’re not coming home with me tonight (oh no)
You just want attention

You don’t want my heart

Maybe you just hate the thought of me with someone new

Yeah, you just want attention (ohh)

I knew from the start (start)

You’re just making sure I’m never gettin’ over you (oh you)

Ohh
What are you doin’ to me?

What are you doin’, love? (What are you doin’?)

What are you doin’ to me?

What are you doin’, love? (What are you doin’?)

What are you doin’ to me?

What are you doin’, love? (What are you doin’?)

What are you doin’ to me?

What are you doin’, love?
I know that dress is karma, perfume regret

You got me thinking ’bout when you were mine

And now I’m all up on ya, what you expect

But you’re not coming home with me tonight
You just want attention

You don’t want my heart

Maybe you just hate the thought of me with someone new

Yeah, you just want attention

I knew from the start

You’re just making sure I’m never gettin’ over you

(Over you)
What are you doin’ to me? (heyy)

What are you doin’, love? (What are you doin’, what?)

What are you doin’ to me?

What are you doin’, love? (Yeah, you just want attention)

What are you doin’ to me? (I knew from the start)

What are you doin’ love?

(You’re just making sure I’m never gettin’ over you)

What are you doin’ to me?

What are you doin’, huh?

You contacted me

why? Why start this again. Fuck. You contact me and threaten to tell “people”

you have no clue. You’ll tell penny’s family and think you’re hurting me? No you’re not because she already knows what happened. Call this a fantasy… almost 3 years of  love, intimacy, and shared emotions isn’t a fantasy. You pissed me off but I’m walking away again. Just because it was your fantasy  45 year old woman and a 20 year old guy  just remember I was 18 when YOU started this  you wanted down this “rabbit hole” YOU brought up “Mrs Robinson” YOU groomed me to exactly what you needed and tossed me away when you were done  YOU keep coming back.  It ain’t me babe.